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Sudha
Murthy
Faana Dubai
HandBags Microscopic Art
If you want to know how good Taare is, just go
to your nearest theater and watch the people
coming out after the show. The cacophony that
surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be
missing. Some would be walking in slow motion.
Some would look petrified. At least that's what
happened in the theater I went to. Not a single
soul was talking after the movie, probably
because what everyone saw on screen was not
fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own
life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a
theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal
at the end of a film left the theater in pin
drop silence. The first thing we said to each
other - 'Aamir Bhai has done it again.'
Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a
gut feeling that Taare would change people like
no other movie has previously done.
I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare.
But let us assume he did not make it (dream
on!). What would the film have been like?
...
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If Karan Johar made Taare
-
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh
duh duh!!).
-
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even
if he could not act for nuts).
-
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming
Kajol is unavailable).
-
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
-
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal
(who cares if the role is ultra minute,
he can afford it).
-
It
would be shot in New York to appeal to the
NRI audience.
-
The
story line would obviously be different. SRK
would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The
last scene would have the mom running to the
teacher rather than the kid. And again, like
in so many other movies, SRK would get
someone else's girl.
-
It
would have one dance number.
-
The
film would be titled 'Kuch Taare Zameen
Par.'
If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
-
Salman as the teacher.
-
Rani as the mother.
-
Of
course the whole film would be shot on
elaborate sets. The school would be nothing
short of Harvard university.
-
An
orchestra would play every time anyone
cried.
-
Slow
motion, different camera angles for every
scene.
-
The
school uniforms would match the classroom
walls even though that does not make a
difference.
-
The
film would cost 60 crores.
If Farah Khan made Taare
-
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
-
In
the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at
the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK
would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of
the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the
first scene itself.
-
The
story would be changed to make sure the
above happened. The focus of the film would
be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
-
To
make it a complete entertainer, there would
be a romantic angle, comedy, and action
thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character
likes another teacher and the kiddo helps
him.. throw in some comedy moments there and
you have romance and comedy settled. For
action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid
gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the
baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an
imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can
write a film from scratch in two weeks
straight.
-
The
film posters would have a big SRK with the
tiny image of the kid in the background.
If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
-
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
-
Since
Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science
fiction these days, this film would have
that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would
have alienositis or something, a condition
induced due to him witnessing an alien
abduction.
-
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he
would be a physics teacher, and instead of
asking kids to be creative, he would ask
them to challenge the science we know.
-
In
the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to
open their minds and make whatever they want
outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making
a boat, would end up making a working
spaceship prototype.
-
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by
making a full fledged version of the kid's
prototype, traveling to the alien planet,
and asking them to give the kid his powers
back.
-
The
film would have music by Rajesh Roshan
ripped off from some world music.
-
The
film's name would again start with a K..
probably 'Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par'.
-
The
director would make sure Hrithik gets to
show all his abilities. This would mean a
scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles,
and a dance competition in the end, instead
of an arts competition.
If Priyadarshan made Taare:
-
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
-
Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
-
It
would be a brainless comedy. The kid's
dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the
times the parents will be running after the
kid from one room to the other and that, in
the director's opinion, would be funny.
-
In
the climax of the film all the characters in
the film would run around in the
amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors
on each other. That's where the film will
end, without any logical conclusion.
-
And
of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an
epileptic himself making us question the
boy's mental abilities anyway.
–
I know there are a lot of other directors, but I
choose these guys because I feel they are the
most gutless
or overrated directors we have today.
They keep doing the same shit again and again
and more often than not depend on the stars to
carry a shitty film forward. They have no
courage to try something non-nonsense, something
that can use the medium of cinema for a little
more than just entertainment, in spite of being
the most sought after directors in the country
The reason I am making this comparison at all is
to show how Aamir (and Amol Gupte) has made a
pure film, without giving into the temptation of
masala or 'what would the audience like to see'
philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet
unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca
Chopra (I love Tisca); for riding against the
tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the
film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy
(even Aamir Khan's name comes after Darsheel
Sarfi, the boy, in the credits); for giving the
audience something different once again as an
entertainer; and for truly caring about the
society and using the medium to bring a change.
I remember earlier this year SRK made a
statement: 'films are for entertainment;
messages are for post offices.' Well Aamir Khan
has proved that cinema is probably the best
medium for giving a message and I can say that
looking at the face of every person in the
cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet
again!) that a message can be entertaining.
Behold bollywood bigshots, Aamir the director
has arrived. With just one film, he has set the
bar higher than most of you can only dream of
reaching.
Submitted by
Deepti
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Sudha
Murthy
Faana Dubai
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